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The Simple Rule: 'I like you' or 'I hate you'

As an education consultant, I receive many inquiries from students and young working adults almost everyday. The most common question is about human relations. That is, 'How can I get along with my classmates, teachers, colleagues. and/or boss?' In many cases, human relationship in school and company is much complicated.

For instance, most Japanese organizations such as schools and companies still adopt seniority system. It means Japanese people have their culture to respect elder people. In some cases, elder people are respected regardless of their competence. More importantly, Japanese often (would like to) make their own factions. People having the same and similar ideas and core values get together and make an exclusive group. They are unfriendly and even show their animosity toward outsiders. Therefore, in any school, company, and organization, it's a big matter for the person which faction she/he belongs to.

Many of my clients are usually afraid of harassment and bullying because they become the outsiders of their group. While I always listen to their inquiries very attentively, my advice to them is simply:

'If your classmates, teachers, coworkers, or bosses like you, you can easily work with them. If they hate you, you will have troubles. In short, people's minds are simple although they seem to be complicated. No matter how you give good impressions to yourself to other people, they may hate you. Or, they may like you. Everything depends on their minds. As far as you're honest and sincere, you should not care about how other people think of you.'

'Human relationship looks like social network services (SNS) such as Facebook and LinkedIn. If you the person, you will accept him/her as a 'Friend' and give him/her 'Nice'. However, you will block the person whom you hate. In the real world, you will never meet anyone whom you hate. You would like to meet the person you really like.'

'The key point is this. Every person including you has one's personality. You cannot change your personality as well as other people's.'

Interestingly, many clients seem to be relieved to hear my advice. Even if other person hate you, it's not the end of the world. It's not a big deal.

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